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My Child Has Been Sexually Assaulted

Any sexual act or sexual threat imposed on a child is child sexual abuse. Adults, adolescents or other children who sexually abuse children take advantage of the child's trust, innocence and vulnerability. Child sexual abuse is a serious crime, and is committed against both boys and girls.

Child sexual abuse includes a wide range of behaviours and acts. Some examples are:

• a person exposing their genitals or masturbating in front of a child
• exposing children to pornographic material
• touching a child's genitals
• forcing a child to touch an adult's genitals
• penetration of a child with a finger, penis or anything else
• involving a child in vaginal, oral or anal sexual activity.

The abuser is most often either a member of the child's family, or well known to the child and their family.

Responding to your child
Finding out that your child has been sexually abused can be overwhelming. Remember that they will need all the support and reassurance you can give them. Show them that:

• you believe what they have told you
• you know it is not their fault
• you are glad that they told you about it
• you care about what has happened
• you will protect them from further abuse
• you will give them your support and take care of their needs.

Your feelings
Most parents are profoundly shocked when they discover that their child has been sexually abused, especially if the abuser is their partner or someone else in the family. They may feel guilty because parents are supposed to protect their children. They may feel intense anger, which can result in violence. A parent may even know that their child is being sexually assaulted, but not know what do about it. Either way, just as the child is not to blame, neither is the parent. The abuser is the only person responsible for the abuse.

How your child may react
Sometimes children cannot openly express their feelings, and they react in a number of ways-for example, they may have tantrums, be fearful of strangers or the dark, wet the bed, or not want to go to school.

Anger
Children and young people may experience a lot of anger, and may take it out on parents or caregivers, perhaps because they find it difficult to direct anger at the offender. It's easier and safer to direct it at people they think are not going to hurt them or walk away from them. In counselling, the young person can learn that feelings of anger are normal, and that there are constructive ways of expressing anger.

Depression
Older children and adolescents may also experience depression and thoughts of suicide. They may harm themselves, engage in risk-taking behaviour or substance abuse, or isolate themselves from their family and friends.

Sexualised behaviour
Children who have been abused may act out inappropriate sexual behaviour that they have learnt from the abuse. They may request stimulation from adults or children, or act out sexualised play with dolls. There are programs that look at this behaviour in young children.

Understanding children's reactions
It is vitally important to accept your child's reaction to the assault. Pretending it didn't happen or that it doesn't really matter can reinforce their feelings of guilt and powerlessness. Encouraging children and young people to develop their own confidence and feelings of self-worth can help them overcome their experience.

Realistic responses
While you make it clear that the fault lies with the abuser, remember that often it is someone the child knows-a relative, neighbour, or friend of the family. It is normal to feel angry, but angry remarks about what should happen to the abuser (ie. going to jail or worse) might make your child feel guilty about having told. The best way to respond is to place the blame and responsibility with the offender in a realistic way: 'what Uncle John did was wrong. No one ever has the right to do that to you.'

Your child needs you
More than anything else, your child needs support, comfort and love; now and in the future. Children and young people cope best when their family and environment are calm, caring and accepting.

Deciding what to do
The decisions to be made after the sexual assault of a child or young person are difficult ones. There are no right answers. The most important thing is to support your child emotionally. Talking to a sexual assault counsellor can help you to sort out your own feelings-for example, anger, guilt, or grief-and determine what to do next.

If you believe that a child or young person may have been sexually abused or is at risk of harm, contact either the police or the Department of Community Services Helpline on 13 2111. The department will assess the situation on the information you give them. If you go to the police, a hospital, a medical service or a sexual assault service, they will have to contact the department due to the mandatory reporting requirements.

Protective intervention and support services may be required. Only specially trained and experienced workers from the Department of Community Services or the police are involved in interviewing children and young people about sexual abuse.

Getting medical care
Your child may need medical care and attention. This may be obtained from a children's hospital, a medical service or NSW Health Sexual Assault Services. Many sexual assault services provide medical attention, counselling and support for children. Some services are set up for children only through child protection units. Sexual assault service counsellors are specially trained and sensitive to the needs of children and young people. You can call the NSW Rape Crisis Centre, 24 hours a day, to find out about services that can help you and your child.

Going to court
If the abuser is charged, your child may have to appear in court.

Support
Your child and other witnesses are entitled to support from the Witness Assistance Service of the Office of the Director of Public Prosecutions. The service can work with other agencies to make sure you and your child receive counselling and support, and can:

• help prepare the child and other witnesses for court
• provide court support
• facilitate or assist with meetings between victims and lawyers.

Preparing for court
Things to discuss with the Witness Assistance Service include:

• organising interpreters, if necessary
• arranging for a support person to be present when the child is giving evidence
• arranging for the child to give their evidence by closed circuit television
• arranging for the child to give all or part of their evidence in the form of a recording
• dispensing with wigs and gowns in court
• closing the court to the public.

After the trial
At the end of the court proceedings the prosecutor should take time to discuss the outcome with you and your child. The child should always be praised, whatever the outcome. If charges were withdrawn or guilt was not established, you may all need extra support at this time. Make sure that you get this support in whatever way you can, as child sexual assault can be just as hard for supporters as it is for survivors.